I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
