You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
