did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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