My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
