I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize