Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
