So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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