my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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