the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
