Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't turn off my feet"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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