If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
God, I missed his penis.
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