youre lurking in front of me
I don't think brook has ever known best
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
