we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
