spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
