I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
