I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
