My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
