She is in my trunk
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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