You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
