Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
