in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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