yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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