i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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