his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
