I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
