you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
