There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
