I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
