Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
