She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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