I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
