i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
