I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
