the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
