Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Boobs are out for the taking
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
