i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
