I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
