Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
