You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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