oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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