I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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