anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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