I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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