I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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