It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
