If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize