Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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