under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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