I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
