hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
