FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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