Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
