Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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