Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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