Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
