perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
