Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
