So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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