she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
