hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
