His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
