I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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