I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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