I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
