My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
