kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
