you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
