And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
