her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
