i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
