i would punch a child for taco bell
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
