Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
