he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize